i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I believe in your delicious
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
