I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
