I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
