if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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