i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
