It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
