My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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