Where is the hickey?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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