When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
