I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Randomize
