remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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