Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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