I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
