I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
