On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
