Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
