i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
