I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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