I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
