I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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