It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
