they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
