in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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