Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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