Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Let's get the cat blown out
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
