our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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