what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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