so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
