i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
