He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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