my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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