I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
