she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
