Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
