I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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