I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this will be a night to untag.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
