drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
