just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
