There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
