god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
