it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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