don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
