If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
