I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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