Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
