And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
why do cheetos always look like penises
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
