just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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