I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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