I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
