No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
why do cheetos always look like penises
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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